2013 Reflections

2013

January

So the year started off rough with Andrew being laid off for the first time. We spent the rest of the month on the job hunt with Andrew going to multiple interviews and trying to figure out what path God was trying to put us on. It was during this month that both Andrew and I began to recommit our lives to the lord. We both grew up in the church but had let life lead us astray and finally became so broken after everything that had happened in the fall that we were ready to let God take control again. It's also hard to remember how little Gemma seemed back then. I have been reflecting a lot on how much she has grown and how she's becoming more childlike than toddler.

February

So February was huge for us as Andrew finally got a job offer but it meant a big move north. We made the decision to leave it all to God's plan and had two weeks to pack our entire lives and move before Andrew began work. It was hard to leave the friendships we had forged and the life it had taken 18 months to build. But things honestly could not have worked out any better financially even though the move was horrific. I will never again in my life do a long distance move with only two weeks to prepare.

March

March was a pretty easy going month for us trying to get settled into our new apartment and unpack. I reached 16 weeks and was able to find out the little one was a boy. We had already picked out names either way so we knew little man was Sean Patrick. I will say a big thing happened this month, we had decided before we moved that we would again try to find a church home, and on Easter Sunday 2013 we decided to try out a little church down the street from our apartment. And even on a holiday we knew we had stumbled across a special place.

April

We spent a little time wandering around town this month since the weather was nice but not too hot. It was pretty uneventful, I reached the halfway point in the pregnancy early in the month and was feeling pretty good physically. But I honestly just spent the majority of my time continuing to unpack and playing with Gemma.

May

Crazy to believe but my little Gemma Bean turned TWO this month and I reached 24 weeks. It was nice to spend time with my mom as she came to celebrate Gemma's big day. We went to a local wildlife ranch and Gemma got a huge kick out of all the animals. Plus since Gemma's birthday falls on Cinco De Mayo, so there was a parade through town that we watched after we ate a special breakfast on the square.

June

I officially turned 26 which still feels surreal. I honestly don't know where the past few years have gone. It feels like yesterday that it was 2008 and I turned 21 and graduated college and got my first job as a Tech. The rest of the month was pretty uneventful, I reached 30 weeks and we began counting days till our little guy would arrive. The weeks honestly kind of blur at certain points this year and looking back I was in survival mode for a good bit and didn't take pictures or make note of milestones. I have begun trying to correct that. I am unfortunately just not one of those parents that takes pictures constantly. I kind of wish I was, there are spans of months were I literally don't take one picture.

July

 Well we all know the big one for July. On July 21, 2013 our son Sean Patrick was born into Heaven. I can say wholeheartedly that I still loved parts of this month with the fourth of July and all of our family coming to support us. We went to another parade which Gemma loved. And with both our families living at least 4 hours (most are scattered all across the country) away it was insanely awesome to have everybody in one place even if for only a day. Gemma got to see her aunts and uncles and grandparents. If I could only say one thing for July, I would say I love this giant extended family I have and married into.

 

August

August was another rough month because Andrew had injured his hand at work early in July and had to have surgery at the end of the month. So he spent the first few weeks of August healing before he could go back to work. And then the day he returned to work he was laid off. Again I don't have pictures from this month but I do remember just holding Gemma and looking at her taking in each moment. After we lost Sean I was so scared of losing Gemma too... I know as a parent that's always a fear but it became so much more real. I just treasured our time more. Andrew and I also celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary, which was extremely bittersweet since the 24th was my original due date for Sean.

September

Gemma started pre-school this year which was huge for me. But it has been such a blessing to her as she has grown so much with her speech and social skills. It's reassuring that her pre-school is at our church which means she is getting the values and teaching we want her to have. It is just nice for what we try to teach at home to be reinforced outside of the home. Plus her teacher is awesome about taking pictures so I have little insights into her days at school. I also love how they have special events throughout the year, and this month they had "Donuts with Dad", which Andrew loved. Gemma even made (well the teachers helped alot) a special picture with her hand print on it just for him. Plus Andrew found a job early in the month which was enough for us to keep life right about where it was. I can't lie we are already used to a pretty slim lifestyle. I have gotten really good at keeping a trim budget when times get tough, so a small pay cut was nothing we couldn't handle.

 

October

 October was nice with the cooler weather and the fall festivities. Gemma dressed up as bunny and still loves her costume, she wants to wear her bunny tail still to this day. Gemma had fun activities lined up at school which included Fire Safety week and getting to meet the firemen, and the Fall Book Parade with costumes. Another big decision was made this month. With how tight things had gotten with Andrew's pay cut and the government shutdown I decided to return to work to help bring in more income. Andrew is a retired Army veteran and with the government shutdown certain benefits we receive from the Veterans Administration were in jeopardy, which reminded us that certain things aren't guaranteed. With that in mind I applied for an open Surgical Technologist position and was grateful when I was called back for an interview and then was offered a position.

 

November

Andrew turned 30 this month and I began work. We also celebrated thanksgiving this month with my mom. We made a small meal because we kept reminding ourselves the day was not about the food it was about being together as a family. I will say it was nice to make the meal myself as the last 2 years I had spent it at a friends house since Andrew was out of town for work. Again something else I have been grateful for, Andrew being home and not spending every holiday, birthday, and anniversary on the road.

December

So December has flown by, and as of the end of the month I have officially been employed for 6 weeks already. I am continuing to find my niche in my new work place and build relationships with all of my co-workers. Which has been hard since when I left my last workplace I had been there just shy of 3 years and had long since gone through the awkward getting to know you phase. But I am grateful to have this job since at the very beginning of the month Andrew was laid off for the third time this year. He had been employed by a small business owner and with the economy the way it is and the new healthcare laws coming into place, his boss was simply unable to cover the costs associated with keeping Andrew employed. We understand completely and are able to say that after two not so amicable splits from employers this year, this lay off was much easier. Andrew and I have talked for months about the possibility of Andrew returning to school to get his degree. But with his work schedule and his responsibilities at home and church it was hard to try and fit it all in. We are finally seeing that God made this all possible so that Andrew would be able to use his GI Bill and pursue school full time. So nice to know that he will be able to focus fully on his degree and also have the ability to help with Gemma while I am at work.

And of course we celebrated Christmas, and while trying to focus on the real reason for the season, Gemma still made out like a bandit and probably thinks it's all about her Doc McStuffins playset and her playdoh. But again it was nice to see my mom as she came to visit shortly after Christmas. Though it was an adjustment to have to work during the holidays and try and fit my moms visit in between two work shifts.

2014

We have had a running joke since August that we were so done with 2013 and all the trials we have been through. While I am greatly looking forward to 2014 and all the good things coming, I still have a certain healthy amount of respect for 2013 and all the growth it has provided us.

Sending much Love and Happiness from our family to yours this New Year, may it bring much Joy and Laughter and Blessings your way.

Positive Responses

The past few months have gone by far too swiftly and many things have changed in our household since I last posted in early October. Gemma is almost finished with her first ever semester of preschool and I have returned to work. And if that wasn't enough God threw us another curveball and Andrew was laid off again (if you've been keeping up that makes the third time this year). I can say wholeheartedly that not all our decisions in the past few weeks have been easy but we have learned in the past year that what we once considered difficult and overwhelming is much more manageable. I am grateful daily for the peace and understanding the Lord sends my way when I need it most and I am reminded through past experience that it always makes things better when you look at the positives.

For example, my return to work. I can't remember if I had ever mentioned what my life consisted of before I was simply known as Mom. I am a Surgical Technologist and worked for almost 3 years in Labor & Delivery before we relocated the first time and I was able to stay home. So when we finally reached the decision for me to return to the workplace I struggled with returning to L&D after what had happened with Sean. But after much discussion and more prayers than I can count, I took the plunge and applied for an open position and was lucky enough to be hired. I have since gone through orientation and just finished my in unit training, which in the beginning is where things got rough. I knew going into it that I would be faced with reliving our experience (I work at the hospital I delivered Sean at) and also processing my feelings of helping to bring other little lives into the world again. I can say for sure that my focus and how I perform my job has changed entirely since I was employed last. Partly from our journey with Sean but also having been a mother and myself going through the labor and delivery process. I feel I have grown and I thank God everyday for my two beautiful children who have given me the experience necessary for that growth. People who know about Sean and about my return to work often ask me how I will feel should I be faced with having to help deliver another mother with a loss like ours. And I respond by saying that of course it will be hard to relive our experience through another family, but who better than someone who can truly empathize to be there in their time of need. I just continue to pray that God provides me with the continued strength as we are still healing from our loss. But I am reminded that the lord has already opened doors and shown us how we can bless others with our story, and I look forward to any chance I am given to help.  To possibly provide someone with the same peace and sense of comfort we had. I know that everyday I go into work I will be faced with any number of situations, and that's the beauty of my job. I am grateful for the opportunity to witness the gift of life and love going to work everyday.

I also wanted to take a moment to say thank you to Becky at Purposeful Homemaking. She posted a comment on a previous post and I was truly humbled by it. I wanted to say thank you for taking the time to comment. I have so rarely posted thinking no one saw a single word that I spend so much time painstakingly putting together, but now I feel a renewed sense of energy to begin posting again. And I also wanted to mention your comment was very encouraging in the sense of I consider myself a "Baby" Christian still and it is sometimes hard to find the right words or to feel comfortable proclaiming your faith in such a public way. I can feel myself grow each day through the word, prayer and the many amazing people and its slowly becoming easier. But its always nice to hear a positive word of encouragement.

Part 2: July 22, 2013 (warning - no holes barred)

This is the second part of the story of our precious Angel Baby Sean.

July 22, 2013

 When I woke up from anesthesia I was still in a haze, but was glad that Andrew was with me in Recovery and that I still had the same nurse. They reassured me that the surgery went well and that I should have no lasting effects from the abruption, that I would be able to carry another child. I'm sure during this time I was speaking gibberish and asking various incoherent questions, but the nurses were kind and just smiled and tried to answer my questions. I also received a second IV while in recovery so that I could receive the blood I needed. Before I left L&D I asked about Now I Lay M Down To Sleep, a non-profit I had learned about while working in Labor and Delivery. The nurse assured me they would contact them on our behalf. I told Andrew to go home and try and get some sleep too, since our amazing friend from church was still at our house with our daughter someone needed to relieve her.

 

I was moved to the Postpartum unit around 2:30 am where I was able to finally see Sean for the first time. Needless to say he was perfect, aside from the blue discoloration in his head and chest he looked like he was sleeping. I was still very medicated and tired at this point so they took Sean and I slept for the remainder of the early morning hours. Since I was receiving two units of blood they took my vitals frequently and watched me closely for a reaction to the transfusion. Around 7:45am a hospital employee came in to tell me that the photographer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep would be there around 8am to take pictures for us. If you have never heard of NILMDTS its a wonderful organization that partners with local professional photographers to take pictures for families who have suffered infant loss or have critically ill infants. Andrew and the rest of our family were hesitant to having pictures taken but trusted me with the decision to have them done. The photographer came just before Andrew got back to the hospital with Gemma, she took this time to take pictures of Sean by himself. Once she finished we took pictures with Sean as a family, we got so many awesome pictures that will help us never forget our precious little angel. This is definitely a blessing that we will appreciate forever, if you want to check them out I provided a link.

 

 

 

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

 

By this point in the morning my mom was driving in from Austin and would arrive shortly after we finished taking pictures and Andrews dad was already on a plane from Washington D.C. The rest of the morning was relatively uneventful as my mom took Gemma back home for her midday nap and Andrew spent some time with his dad. I was thankful though that our parents were able to see and hold Sean that morning before the funeral home came in the early afternoon and picked him up. My mom and Andrews dad switched off later in the afternoon so my mom could come spend some time with me alone at the hospital, which I enjoyed. I had several other visits that evening, one was from a nurse from the night before. I remembered it was the second older nurse who had taken care of me soon after my arrival at the hospital. She was very kind and I loved that she made a point to come and see how I was doing, she even shared some of what I didn't remember from while I was in recovery. It made us both laugh to recall some of the strange things I had said while waking from the anesthesia. My second set of visitors were a couple from our church. The wife was our friend who had stayed with our daughter the night before. They brought me a milkshake (that was greatly appreciated) after having taken dinner to Andrew and our parents who were at home for the night. I had insisted that Andrew again spend the night at home to try and get some rest. They didn't stay long, but I was grateful to see them, it was nice to see a smiling face who wasn't afraid to treat me normally.

Unfortunately when something like this happens people don't know how to talk to you or what to say. Andrew and I both say we got so tired of hearing people tell us how sorry they were and looking at us with what we now call "sad eyes".  It's that sad puppy dog kind of look people give you when they don't know what else to say. But of course we take it graciously since there really isn't anything we could say to help them understand. Even now almost 3 weeks later we still have to explain to people what we need most is to go back to a normal routine. Of course with our world having been turned upside down we are currently figuring out what our new normal is going to be. We are focusing on Gemma and this time we have gotten to spend together as a family.

At 26 I will still say having to make "arrangements" for my child is still surreal, I am very grateful for the hospital and our pastors who made the process as painless as possible. Being able to hold our little angel was such a beautiful thing but so incredibly painful because we knew we couldn't keep him forever. At some point we would have to hand him back to the hospital employee, who would take him back to wherever they kept him, till the funeral home came to pick up his sweet little body. The idea still brings that tingling feeling to my eyes. He was a perfect little guy, relatively small at only 4 pounds 8 ounces, I still remember how powerful his kicks were and how I used to think he was going to be so much larger than our daughter. He did have some big feet for his size and its so precious to have a picture of those feet that kicked me all those weeks. Andrew and my entire family all agree that it was the right decision to have NILMDTS come and take pictures. Andrew can't imagine now not having these precious reminders of the short time we had with him. We both know that those few memories will fade in time and having something to remind us is invaluable. As well Gemma is far too young to comprehend what happened, and being able to show her the pictures of her holding and kissing her "baby" as she called him will mean so much. It's bittersweet as she no longer comes to my belly to give it hugs or kisses and she no longer asks about Sean. We were so excited when she learned how to say his name before her own, never dreaming it would become such a hard name for us to say amongst ourselves.

 

***I apologize to all as it was incredibly hard to try and retell this story from our lives. I can only reread it so many times trying to make sure it makes sense before having to step away and regain a bit of composure. I would also like to remind everyone that this is only one side of this story so it may not be complete. As well as this is just one story of so many families that have experienced this kind of loss, and my heart now bonds with theirs as no one else will truly understand the pain. If you or someone you know has experienced the loss of a baby please feel free to share in the comments below or pass along our story. And please for me if you read this, be grateful for the beautiful gifts God has given us and go love on your babies (no matter how old they might be). I know I have been showering our daughter with more love than she knows what to do with these past few weeks.***

Lots of Love to all and God Bless!

Part 1: July 21, 2013 (warning - no holes barred)

Well to begin I have to put into words something I never thought would happen. At 35 weeks and 1 day our son Sean Patrick was born into Heaven.

This is Part 1 of the story.

July 21, 2013:

After putting our daughter to bed and writing a post detailing what happened the night before I decided to take a shower before going to bed. Before getting into the shower I used the restroom and experienced some bleeding I attributed to pregnancy hemorrhoids (which I hadn't had till this point) and didn't think much of. I then got into the shower where the bleeding continued and I eventually passed a large blood clot which really got my attention. I finished quickly and got out of the shower I then told Andrew we needed to go to the hospital. The rest of our time at home is a bit of a blur (like many other times in the next few days) but Andrew tried to call the doctor while also calling our pastor to get a phone number for a friend of ours who had said she would be able to come stay with our daughter. We waited about 5-10 minutes for her to arrive and then left for the hospital. I had a small sinking feeling something wasn't quite right when the pain I was feeling wasn't like contractions. I had pain in my lower stomach but it wasn't coming and going, and my stomach wasn't hard like when you have a contraction. But I had never gone into labor on my own so I was trying to think positively. We drove the 10 minutes to the hospital which after 10pm was a smooth drive with little to no traffic.

We parked and walked in where thankfully they had a wheelchair, but they didn't have a towel or pad for the wheelchair so it got a little bloody, at this point I had been steadily bleeding for about 20-30 minutes. They let us go directly into Labor & Delivery but Andrew would have to go back and fill out paperwork. The nurse I had been assigned the night before was the first person we saw which was a good thing, because at this point I was beginning to feel light headed and dizzy. She wheeled me directly into a room and I wasted no time in stripping myself of all my clothes but my sports bra and donning a hospital gown. I then laid down on the bed where the nurse began by trying to put the fetal heart monitor on me. She tried her hardest to find him for a few minutes when she called another nurse into the room. The new nurse began to try and find his heartbeat, and after a few minutes she had no success either. During this whole process I just remember pleading with God for Sean to be ok. When they couldn't find his heartbeat externally they attempted to place a scalp lead vaginally, when that didn't work they did an exam and could only feel placenta by this point.

This is when the Doctor arrived, I was glad it was the same Doctor that had been on call the night before again another familiar face in the sea of people that were now in my room. The doctor explained they couldn't find his heartbeat but would use an ultrasound to confirm. During the ultrasound I just watched while she moved from his head down to his chest where there was only stillness. I knew before she said it that he had indeed passed. After a few more minutes she explained to me that the placenta had separated from the uterus which caused a lack of blood flow. Sean passed from a lack of oxygen. I knew that I would have to deliver this little angel one way or another and I was hoping for the least traumatic route possible. The doctor then explained that since I was bleeding so heavily I would require a C-section, so that she would be able to make sure my uterus wasn't damaged in any way and could make sure to fix the bleeding thoroughly.

Again most of this time was a blur due tears and pain medication I thankfully received soon after arrival, Andrew had to leave the room after we had arrived to go fill out my admission paperwork, but he arrived in time for the doctor to come in and confirm my worst fears. Of course we cried together and prayed together, as soon as I knew he had passed I kept repeating Philippians 4:13 to myself. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And we also had to make the hardest phone calls of our lives since we had called our parents while still at home to tell them we were going to the hospital thinking we were going to have our baby that night. I called my mom and only remember us both crying after I could barely get the words out to tell her what had happened. At this point I was being prepped for surgery and remember the anesthesiologist coming in and asking me the typical pre-op questions. It was decided that I would receive general anesthesia since I needed to be cared for promptly, plus I didn't want to be awake for this delivery. Having worked in L&D I knew the atmosphere in the room and didn't want to experience it when it was my own child who had passed. Probably around 11:30 pm I was moved to the OR, I remember seeing Andrew filling out consents for the surgery and for a blood transfusion I would definitely need after the amount of blood I lost and would continue to lose during surgery. The last thing I remember was moving from the bed to the OR table and just laying down with my arms on the arm boards and reminding the anesthesiologist to do whatever they needed to do.

My Angel Baby

Sean Patrick

July 22, 2013

12:06am

Hanging with Papa & New Words

Ok Blog Friends... it's been a relatively slow week and I've been trying to get caught up with housework and preparations for Little Man to get here possibly in just a few short weeks. The husband and I did get an awesome surprise on Monday when my Father-in-Law let us know his business trip in Ft. Worth was held over another night and he would have a few hours to spare. With most of Andrews family living out of state even a short bite to eat with any of them is an amazing treat!

Check out Dani Rae's Denton here.

 

He was asking about a seafood place in our neck of the woods and we hadn't found one yet, so my husband set to work locating something to fit the bill. He found Dani Rae's Gulf Coast Kitchen. I had seen the sign for Dani Rae's a number of times while driving around town running errands and had always tried to make a mental note for us to check it out at some point. Since we moved to North Texas from Houston, both of us were missing some good seafood and Cajun food that we had gotten used to having easy access to being near the gulf. My father-in-law agreed it sounded worth while to check out, so we made our arrangements to meet on Tuesday evening.

Our entire party ended up being in 3 different vehicles and we all arrived at varied times, the wait staff was amazingly accommodating even setting up our table and getting us a high chair while I was still waiting for my husband and father in law to arrive. Once everyone finally got to the restaurant we were seated immediately and our server wasted no time in getting us drinks and our appetizer. Now I'm not a fan of pickles, but my husband and father in law and heck even Gemma loved the fried pickles, the plate was devoured in no time.

The menu had a wide selection of seafood and Cajun inspired entrees, all of which sounded yummy. I selected the country fried steak, what can I say the little man in the belly loves him some beef, which had the nice twist of Andouille gravy. The mix of the steak and sausage paired with my chosen side of garlic mashed potatoes was delicious, and even with the big ol' belly I devoured every bite. Which needless to say these days is not an easy task, and requires the food to be really enticing! My husband ordered the Red Beans and Rice which had sausage in it, but also came with a beautiful piece of grilled sausage and some cornbread. My father in law ordered a seafood platter with a combo of fried shrimp and oysters. He keep saying how well the oysters were cooked, which I am not a fan of oysters (you will probably learn I am a slightly picky eater), but he said it can be hard to find oysters cooked properly. I tend to rely on my husband and his family's opinion since he grew up on the northern coast of Florida, and being from central Texas I'm definitely not as well versed.

All in all I would whole heartedly recommend checking out Dani Rae's Gulf Coast Kitchen. We thoroughly enjoyed the staff, décor and of course the food, and will be going back in the near future.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *

So after Dinner, we decided to try and walk off some of our awesome meal, and ventured across the street to Barnes & Noble. Gemma of course went crazy in the kiddos section with Andrew and his dad in tow, she took her sweet time picking out a new book which Papa got for her. She loves picture books right now that have vivid pictures with simple words, which are awesome since she is picking up on new words by the second. She has literally spent hours already sitting in my lap turning the pages and asking me "What's that?" over and over. Better yet she repeats the words when I tell her, so we have officially added at least 3 new animal names in two days.

Check it out at Barnes & Noble by clicking here.

(Wanted to post an adorable picture of Gemma reading her new book but per usual the battery on my 4 year old camera died yet again. Cross your fingers I can convince the hubs to let me get a new one for when little man arrives!)

 

She already had the large version of this book, which she loves but it is still kind of large for her to handle on her own, so this smaller version is just perfect for her hands. I have a feeling I might need to go and pick up a few more of these small versions for her. Which is fine since these are quickly becoming a favorite of hers I will likely keep one in my bag for longer outings. She actually sat quietly in her stroller while flipping through it while I finished browsing at Barnes & Noble, of course I'll be honest it only worked for so long. But when you're two and its an hour past your normal bedtime nothing will keep you from getting a little restless at a certain point.

 

All in all a very good day, hope everybody is having a good week, till next time! 

"By Faith We Understand"

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  --Hebrews 11:1

 

Where to begin? I guess I will begin about 6 months ago when this last leg of our journey as a family abruptly began. I received a phone call from my obviously emotional husband that he needed me to pick him up from work, I was given no reason and was just told that I needed to come immediately. I knew in my heart that physically he was fine, but something in his voice on the phone made me fear the worst. I begged with God the entire 10 minute drive, that it not be what I feared. Please let him still have his job! When I pulled up to where he was outside my worst fears were confirmed, he had indeed been let go. Of course you go through the grieving period and boy did we have one heck of a pity party for ourselves. But we soon realized it was getting us nowhere.

Now those who know me, know that I have had a troubled relationship with God for years. I always said we had an understanding. I've always believed but haven't always been too happy with the man upstairs. Since my life has had some trying ups and downs I tended to feel very defeated time after time, when my prayers weren't answered in the way I felt they should have been. But then again I have also been given so much that I only took for granted or chalked up to being in the right place at the right time. But something on that fateful drive just pulled my heart to him and I finally just gave my all to his plan. (Didn't figure out this is what I had done till a little later in the story.)

One of the many little miracles in my life, our precious daughter Gemma (taken 2-2013).

We had already been on a rocky road financially just 2 months before, and had finally gotten back into a good place. We had just found out we were expecting our second child and I was about 2 months along when my husband lost his job. We knew that with his military experience it shouldn't be hard to find another job, so we dove whole heartedly into job-searching. There was a job fair just a week later, but after interviewing with multiple companies it was clear that we would likely have to relocate again. We prayed for what we thought was best and prioritized our picks of which jobs/locations we preferred. At the bottom of that list was our last choice a smaller company in North Texas of all places, we dreaded the thought of moving anywhere close to Dallas. We had heard horror stories and already hated the "city" life we had in Houston, but we both just looked at each other and said we will make it work wherever we had to go. And of course that was the one and only offer that rolled in after weeks of searching. We kept trying to convince ourselves that this would be a blessing in disguise, that this was meant to be. We were stretched thin financially after scraping by waiting for a job to roll around, but surprisingly some money came from an unexpected source, which I now realize was God providing for us. So we were squared away to make the 4 hour trek to North Texas all on the wings of faith, that this was the best thing to do.

Our second little miracle due to arrive August 2013 (taken 5-2013).

Fast forward to Easter, just a few short weeks after the worst move we could have imagined (two weeks really isn't enough time to do it all) we were eager to get out of "box city" as we had deemed our apartment. My husband and I had both agreed when we moved that we would give trying to find a church home another shot after a horrendous experience in Houston. We looked online at churches in the area that might offer us what we wanted. But ultimately decided for our first time out we would go to the one closest to us. I was still hesitant about going to church, again my rocky relationship with God standing in my way, but decided to give it a shot as I saw it in Andrews face he needed this. In the following weeks I felt moved by the series our pastor was doing on Hebrews 11. It was all about faith, and how by moving through life with faith in Gods plan he will provide what you need when you need it. And with all we had been through and still have in front of us it all clicked. We had finally made the leap and had walked this path purely on faith. We were exactly were we needed to be and more importantly were God meant for us to be.

The man I never expected to find, nonetheless marry, and our Gemma Bean (taken 5-2013).

Long story short (kind of) I have finally come to see that my rocky relationship with God wasn't really rocky, I was just choosing to be stubborn in letting go and allowing myself to walk by faith. I have been so inspired lately by this journey that I had begun as a child and followed intermittently through my life, that I now follow it completely. I continue to have hopes and dreams of my own of course but all with the knowledge that they might not be what God has in store for me. He will put his hopes and dreams on my heart when the time comes, and that's the amazing part of the journey is the unknown. I can only imagine where this path will lead and how my life will be transformed.

**Since I am still kind of "wet behind the ears" when it comes to this aspect of my life and how to communicate my faith with others I am asking that you post an inspirational bible verse or quote in the comments section.**

 

Pages I've Linked to this week: 

 

 

 

Midweek Randoms @ "In This Wonderful Life"